Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Reggie can tackle my bush.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
