Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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