I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
