I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
