You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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