thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
