Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize