Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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