If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
