you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
