I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
