why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
3 2 1 whiskey
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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