You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
