the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
