I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
