The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
