someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
