Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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