you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
