Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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