Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
handjob tips. give me some.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
