If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
