Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
if i can run in heels then i can drive
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
