Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
