Im at strip club and am horny
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
