I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I could fuck to npr.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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