My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You ruined the universe
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
