My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
