Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
