soooo we both peed the bed last night...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
