would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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