Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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