my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't deserve a penis
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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