at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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