I accidentally had phone sex last night
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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