sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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