one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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