oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
