Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
