Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
and she was petting her beer can
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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