Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
