Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sorry about my life...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
