Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
