my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i think my cat just said my name.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Congratulations! We have a period
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
