I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
