he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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