How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
