His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't deserve a penis
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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