Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
