I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
