ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
