well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
