Soap is not a condiment
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
