I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm like, not good at living.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
