Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
