if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
