I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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