dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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