oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
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Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
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I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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