I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
