ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
