Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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