I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You have to summon your inner elephant
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
