the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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