my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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