I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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