I skipped work to stalk him.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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