I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
