all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
