we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
