You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
