What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
