I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
