just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
there is puke in my bra ... again
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