cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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