I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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