hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
