i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
