There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
