I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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