great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
