Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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